Uncertainty and Uncontrollable

The heart races.

Mind races.

This depends on that,

what if this, or that

how do I make plans

how do I regain control

it's my life, I should control it

but I cant

there are unknowns

there are other factors

there are unpredictable happenings

so you do what you can

i do what i can

I will control what I can

I will focus my attention on what I can

I wont dwell on the past or the future

I will look in the now.

I will try to look in the now.

I will fail. I will get anxious.

I will not be perfect.

I will not have it together.

I will break

I will break

But I will also have fun

I will also smile

I will also see the next day

and the day after

I will strive to see the good

the happy

the togetherness

the collective heart beat

I will also see the bad

the scary

the unknown

the uncontrollable

i will give it attention

i will see what needs to be seen

and fix what i can

but it will not consume me

it will not become my identity

my identity is ever changing


shifting with moods

shifting with experiences

shifting with people i meet

places i go

my identity is not for you to know

it is not something i yet know

it is unknown

it is uncontrollable

because it is ever changing

with all the unknowns and uncontrollable elements

which do not control me

which do not define me

we will see the next day

we will progress

we will do what we can.

© 2020 Rose Zilber